“Teen mom”, that show is the first thing that comes into mind when i feel this way. I remember watching that show and thinking how dumb those girl are. They all have the same story, they want to go out and party when they have such precious gifts waiting at home. I felt this way for along time. But I guess not for the same reasons as them. My situation was not that I couldn’t find a babysitter for my child, that I could, but I’d be worried the whole night while I was out. The constant fear that my child will not know me. The fear that she will grow up and feel like I never was there for her. I NEVER go out. Unless im at school doing “the right thing”.
But it sucks knowing I really dont have a life of my own other than Chris’s or Rachel’s. If I do branch off for a bit, what if he finds someone else or she doesnt reconize me as her mom.
I see all these pictures of my friends going out to clubs and partying it up. I never thought it would be hard being a mom, for this reason. I want to go to a real college, somewhere out of state. I want to move out, but not worry if my baby will have food or not. I wish I actually had friends. People who wouldnt look at me as the loser who got pregnant Junior year and disappeared.
I thought settling down was just meant for me. But there is so much more to me that I have yet to discovered. I love my daughter with all my heart. But when I had her, I didnt die.
Maybe this is a new beginning for she and I both. Whatever path that is, it isn’t under the roof of my moms place.
